Shame and Poverty

On the surface, everything was fine. I had long gotten through the really dark time of ending my relationship with my husband, and was even starting a new relationship. My 2 young children were perfect in themselves and well settled into the new arrangements. I worked full time in media in London and had a foot on the ladder in my shared ownership flat. London property! I wanted everyone to think I was doing fine. I hoped no one would look past the surface and see how I was paying for all this. 

Truth was, I was drowning in debt and I was ashamed. I wasn’t supposed to be struggling. I have a degree, I have a full time proper job. People like me don’t struggle with money! I was always good with money!

It all began with summer holiday childcare. £1800 for two children. I had to get an overdraft for that. Before I knew it, I was taking money from one credit card to pay the other... I did that for months. I hoped that if I could just keep my head out the water, when both kids were in school I would be able to pay it all back... problem being that I was fast reaching my credit limits and the bills seemed to be getting bigger and bigger.

The worst part of it all, besides losing any semblance of a half-decent credit score, was the utter SHAME. I was so ashamed of my situation and I felt I had no one to blame but myself. I had internalised the narrative of “the poor bring it on themselves” to the point where I couldn’t believe that it was anyone else’s fault. I was paying half my salary on my flat, the other half on childcare, but it was obviously my fault because... because why exactly? Why is it impossible for a single income to pay for a small family? 

I was ashamed and I couldn’t tell anyone. It got even worse because I couldn’t tell anyone. If we didn’t have this debt stigma, this daily mail/mumsnet assumption that all poor people are scroungers and lazy and BAD PEOPLE, I would have asked for advice sooner. I was saved by stepchange, the debt charity. What a wonderful organisation. I’m still painfully in debt, looking like I’ll be debt free when I’m 120 years old, but they’ve talked to the credit card companies for me, and I’m paying off little by little. So I’m not a lazy scrounger anymore, right?

I’ve posted on social media about mental health stigmas. I’ve shared my experiences to raise awareness and #endthestigma. What about the debt stigma? Can that be the next trendy hashtag?